Money may not be everything, but it sure keeps the kids writing to parents! One college kid wrote home, "Dear folks, I've been worried sick because I haven't heard from you. Please send me a check so I'll know you're okay."
.................
And...another college student wrote a letter home: "Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy. I have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin.
P.S....I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed to God that I could get it back. But I was too late."
A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!"
.................
And this request was by phone: A college student calls up his parents. "I need another two hundred dollars." At the other end, his father says, "I can't hear you." The boy SHOUTS, "Two hundred. I need two hundred!" "I can't hear you." The operator cuts in, "I can hear him." The father says, "Good. YOU send him the money!"
...................
A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So leave a message.
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
.....................
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
............................
"Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep !
There should be a better way to start a day than waking up every morning !
"Hard work never killed anybody" But why take the risk ! (I don't want to be an exception!)
"Work fascinates me" I can look at it for hours !
God made relatives; Thank God we can choose our friends.
My girlfriend ran away with my best friend and I really miss him !!
I live in a very liberal town. They just changed the name of a street from "LOVER'S LANE" to "SEX DRIVE"
God is Alive! Speak to Him!! (It's cheaper after six !)
When two's company, three's the result !
Love is photogenic; it needs darkness to develop.
A Surd prime minister visited the president of the neighbouring country and complained about all this jokes about surds that others tell each other. "This leads to the impression that all surds are stupid," he said. "You should not take this so earnest," answered the neighbouring minister . "These are only jokes and not true stories. And there are also stupid people in our country. I will prove it to you." Saying so he went to his driver and said: "Please drive to my home and find out, whether I am at home." The driver immediately went on his way. The surd prime minister was satisfied: "He is very stupid indeed. There is a public phone just at the corner. It had been easier to ring.
--------------
A surd walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. A coke pops out. The surd looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. He returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. A man walks up behind the surd and watches his doing for a few minutes before stopping and him and asking if someone else could have a go. The surd spins around and shouts: "Can you not see that I am winning." -----------------
A surd and a friend are sitting in a cinema. Just before the break they see a cactus and in some distance a cowboy. During the break the friend says to the surd: "I bet the cowboy will ride into the cactus." The surd answers: "I do not believe that." They agree that the looser invites the winner to a bottle of wine after the film. It turns out that the friend wins. So after the film they drink together the bottle of wine in a restaurant near the cinema. Then the friend says: "I must confess that the bet was not fair. I saw the film for the second time." The surd replies: "And I saw it for the forth time, but I did not think that this fool rides into the cactus again."
-----------------
From a surd Newspaper: Yesterday morning a Boeing 747 crashed in a cemetery near Chandigarh. The officials announced that the reason for the crash is that too many passengers were on board. The rescue party so far has retrieved more than 3000 bodies.
------------------
Two surds were walking through the woods when one looked down and said: "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other surd looked and said: "Those are not deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They kept arguing and arguing. Half an hour later they were both killed by a train.
-------------------
A surd goes to a barber shop wearing walkman headphones. He tells the hairdresser: "Cut my hair please, but do not remove the headphones." The hairdresser does his job but needs to get under the headphones to finish his work. He removes the headphones thinking that the surd will never even notice. The surd falls to the floor, chokes, turns blue and dies. The hairdresser picks up the headphones to see what he was listening to and hears: "Breath In, Breath Out, Breath In, Breath Out....."
--------------------
Q: How can you recognize a surd in a submarine?
A: He is the one with the parachute on his back.
--------------------
Q: Why do recently so many surds got injured when they tried to send a letter bomb?
A: In order to be modern they want to send the bomb by fax.
--------------------
Q: Whats the difference between a dog howling on the front porch and a women screaming on the back porch?
A: The dog shuts up when you let it in.
Email: [email protected]